Christmas, Caffeine, and Minnesota Public Radio

A story of sweet, sweet Christmas gift mockery

and why I turned the radio up too loud.

I'll admit that my family back home has never been big on decorating for Christmas, but my Vermont family takes holiday decorating to an entirely different level. One day a few weeks ago literal boxes of Christmas goods were unpacked and festooned about. They even switched out every dish in the house to something Christmas-themed. Plates, mugs, bowls. All of it.

Well, I guess I was spared the silverware. They used to change that, too, but find it too be too much of a hassle.

The sudden upsetting of what had finally become familiar and part of a comforting routine was too much for me. Panicked by the foreign tradition, I asked, "Can I at least keep my favorite coffee mug out?!?" I don't think it too much of a luxury to want comfort in my morning cup of coffee.

Yet the reply was a ribbing, "No! It's not Christmas themed!"

Woefully and grumpily, Christmas came between me and my caffeine.

However, a joyous thing happened on Christmas morning. I was gifted by my Vermont family a giant, obnoxiously-colored mug of my very own, just like the favorite they had insisted I put away.

And I made this face.

The Christmas dishes are still in the cupboards, but I can parade around the house drinking my coffee out of my not-even-remotely-holiday-themed mug saying, "Hah! You can't force me to put it away! It was my CHRISTMAS gift!"

Oh to be properly caffeinated!

But that's not even the end of the story.

As I listened to the Current from Minnesota Public Radio today at work, as I often do, they asked listeners to send in stores of the best/worst Christmas gifts they received this year.

As the story of my not-Christmas mug was recited on MPR, I cranked the volume and made my co-workers listen. HEY, I WAS ON THE RADIO, GUYS.

But that's not even the end of the story.

No, I used part of my work day today talking to a DJ who was filling in for the usual host because HEY, IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, GUYS. The man who picked and read my story to all of the listeners turning in at 2:30 EST today lived and worked for four years in Manchester, Vermont, 20 minutes away from my office. We'd been to the same bars, coffee shops, and bookstore. I had even conversed with his ex about lingerie in the underwear shop that she owns.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

Farm Alarm

I recently started reading Barbara Kingsolver's influential book, "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" which talks about her family's experiment to live one year on only locally-sourced, organic foods. It was published in 2007, so I'm a bit late to the book party; it hasn't been a shocking eye-opener for me. I already know the good majority of what she's written.

That being said, this is the most depressing book I have ever read. Not in the "I am emotionally gripped and brought to tears" way, but in the "it feels as if there is no hope left for our world" way.

None of us like to face the truths that we find unpleasant, even if they're ones that we already knew. I like to live my everyday life and forget that food and farm issues exist. You can't worry every second of the day or you'd go crazy.

But damn you, Barbara, they do exist.

Here's what I've been reminded of up to page 118:

There are people who don't realize that food either comes out of the soil or from an animal.

Farm subsidies cause an excess in corn and soybeans, which are then either processed into sugars and fats which are added to our diet or dumped overseas, causing developing agricultural markets to crash and farms to fail.

Genetically modified organisms.

We use over twice as many calories to make and ship the food we eat when compared to how many calories the food provides us.

One can make the argument that our markets for seeds (and therefore the crops they produce) are literally monopolies. Monsanto supplies 90% of all soybean seeds and 80% of all corn seeds.

Marketers literally sit in strategy meetings, planning ways to put more processed sugar and fat in our diets and make us like it.

Genetic diversity in the world's domesticated food seed supply is declining so greatly, many scientists worry that we could not recover our food security if a major natural disaster occurred.

We don't care about taste. We only care about our food shipping well so that it looks good when it's sitting on the grocery shelf.

We give up our health and the future of our planet so that we can "economize" on food and buy unnecessary, luxury items instead.

And that's just what I could stand remembering in the few minutes I've been typing.

If it sounds a bit alarmist to you, good! I'm ringing the alarm bell for myself.

Who's going to wake us up?

We're the richest nation on earth, yet we have some of the worst food habits. You'd think we'd spend some of our enormous income on the freshest, tastiest food we could get our hands on. You'd think we'd be like greedy children hoarding that stuff that comes out of the ground or off the backs of animals.

But somewhere along the line we got used to exactly three food groups: fat, sugar, and salt. Maybe our animal nature is a bit to blame, but why do so many think these are the only three tastes worth tasting? Or the only three tastes that exist, for that matter?

Damn you, Barbara, now you've made me rant.

But it's true. We've got our priorities all mixed around.

If you don't believe me, go read the book for yourself. Then we can talk.